I wrote this article last year, but recently came across it again and wanted to share. My sweet baby will be 11 tomorrow. Traci, AFDS Director
Ten Things I’ve Learned, In Ten Years
By:
Traci Turner
The summer of 2003 was the hottest we’ve ever had on
record. I’m sure of it! That was the one
and only Texas summer that I was pregnant.
It’s been 10 years and I still remember that miserable heat. Looking back it seems like yesterday, but so
much has happened since then. I’ve been
reflecting lately on the things I’ve learned and discovered since I became a mama.
1. Make a
Plan – But accept that Plan B might possibly happen. I’m a planner! I admit that.
Ask my mom, my staff, and my family.
I make ridiculous plans, I over think situations. But, I fortunately have learned to accept
that things don’t always go according to plan.
I certainly didn’t plan to be in labor for 92, yes you read that
correctly, 92 hours. Nor, did I plan for
my beautiful infant to be whisked away to the NICU before I even got the chance
to hold her. There have been multiple
things that didn’t go according to my grand scheme, but here we are 10 years
later, healthy and happy. I let it
go. Everything is alright.
2.
I learned Lesson 2 very quickly, although I’ve
had to re-teach myself this one. When my
daughter was born, she aspirated fluid.
After day 7 of being in the NICU she was finally released to come home
with orders not to get her out for 4 weeks.
I stuck to those instructions and she has been relatively healthy
since. The times she has been sick
since, I’ve tried my hardest to keep her home as long as I could, to let her
heal completely. I have learned that if
I rush her back, she relapses. This is a
hard lesson, sometimes we have to get back to work or are just tired of being
cooped up, but take it from a mama that’s been there…It’s easier to stay in one
or two more days than to try to get another week off from work, when she is
running fever and has strep again for the second time in a month.
3.
Saying “NO” seems like it should be engrained in
us as a parent. Our kids certainly think
it is. But as the mama of an only child,
I realized how easy it was to say YES. I
would be tempted to buy her a small toy or candy at every store we went
to. I realized how foolish that
was. She certainly didn’t need that toy
or candy. She wasn’t a fit thrower and
rarely asked for things. Why did I feel
the need to purchase things? Not sure
the psychiatry behind it, but for whatever reason that’s what I was doing. I learned to not only tell her NO, but to
tell myself NO. That sure comes in handy
now that she does ask. I am a big
believer in making her work for money.
This system has taught her the value of a dollar and I hope I am
creating a strong work ethic in her.
4.
Along those same lines, I realized that I AM THE
MAMA! I am in charge. Not her!
What I say goes no arguments. I
often hear parents make comments like, “My son won’t let me take his
temperature, so I don’t know if he has fever”.
I’m often baffled by these statements.
I want to scream…”YOU ARE THE MAMA…HE IS THREE!!” I learned this lesson very early on and I’m
so glad I did. We are all tested as
parents. We have to be consistent and
show them that we are in charge and we are the boss. Period.
This has to start early…in the very early toddler stage. The longer it goes on, the harder it will be
to parent.
5.
I discovered something when my daughter was
probably pre-school age, which I wasn’t aware, existed to the extent that it
does. Mommy Wars. I didn’t realize how ugly and hateful some mamas
are when they are comparing their kids and their parenting styles to
others. I soon learned to stay as far
away from this as possible. I discovered
that the majority of this went on behind computer screens. This consistently happens on parenting blogs,
message boards, social media sites, etc.
I think people make comments behind the protection of the screen, they
would NEVER say aloud to another person.
This is one reason I am not a fan of social media. I am joyfully disconnected in that sense. But, unfortunately I’ve heard rude comments
in ‘real’ life, as well. I have learned
to respect other people’s choices.
Whether it be of how/where they educate their children, if they breast
or bottle feed, immunize or not, cloth or disposable diapers, at what age they
potty trained their child, etc, etc, etc.
It’s absolutely none of my business.
Each family has to make their own decisions as to what they think is right
for that child. Be respectful! We all have one goal…raise our children to be
healthy, productive citizens!
6.
I just said that each family has to make their
own decisions…but as you know it takes two to make a family and those two don’t
always agree on how to parent. This can
be a major riff between couples. I
learned to let it go when it came to my husband. For the most part we agree on things. His style is a little different than mine,
but I realized that our daughter was benefiting greatly by receiving both
styles. She was getting to bond with her
daddy, even if he didn’t fix the bottle exactly like I did. Now they have developed a beautiful
relationship. I’m glad I didn’t nit-pick
everything he did. I also have made a
concerted effort to never say anything negative about him or his parenting
style in front of our daughter….or anyone else for that matter.
7.
Speaking of daddy...I learned to make time for
him. We made it a point to get grandma
to babysit so we could go on a date. Of
course, we just talked about our baby the whole time, but we were together and
still keeping up our relationship. We have
always said, after she is grown and out of the house, we didn’t want to look at
each other as if we were strangers. We
learned to let her go to her grandparent’s house to spend the night and take
small weekend trips together. Our
relationship is worth it.
8.
Because I learned to get away with my dear
husband, I realized I wasn’t needed 24/7.
My mom and my mother in law were able to take care of my baby without my
constant supervision! I learned to relax
and not be a ‘helicopter mom’. Over the
years I’ve even gotten better at this.
This year for her science project, I didn’t help at ALL with any of the
design aspects or the construction. She
was so proud of that project and it’s ok that the paper was crooked and not
perfectly level…she still made a 100! The
need to hover sneaks up on me at different times. I have to remind myself to step back and let
her breathe.
9.
This lesson was taught to me before I became a mama. It was taught to me by my own parents, and by
their parents. I know that I am
responsible for my daughter’s spiritual well being for now. Once she reaches the age where she can make
decisions on her own, I will no longer be responsible. But in this moment, it’s my duty to see that
she is in church, Bible class, and that she is growing in God’s word. This is a very personal subject and perhaps
one that many of you reading this might disagree. But it’s #1 in my book. I am watering that seed I planted 10 years
ago and when she is grown and out of the house, I pray that I can watch it
grow.
10.
The last lesson I learned sums them all up. You only get one chance to be a mama to that
baby. You may have multiple children,
but you only get one chance with each one.
Make it count!
